Season 2 Episode 10 | You Changed Me (how relationships affect us)
Episode Summary
Have you ever wondered how much the person you are today has been shaped by the relationship you’re in?
Maybe you notice that you’re more playful, more honest, softer, more confident, or simply more comfortable being yourself than you were when you first met. And if you’ve been together for years, you may start to wonder: are we actually the same people we were when we fell in love?
There’s something fascinating about what happens when we feel emotionally safe with another person. Over time, our nervous systems can relax, and the parts of ourselves we once kept hidden can become easier to reveal.
The longer a relationship develops, the more room there can be for quirks, humour, vulnerability, connection, and the pieces of our personality that didn’t feel quite as safe to show at the beginning.
But relationships don’t only change us through comfort and security. They also shape us through disagreement, rupture, repair, and the uncomfortable work of staying connected when something between you isn’t working. And the steps we take to change the other person matter, because these can be seen as loving gestures or suggestions that can be met with resistance and pain.
Sometimes emotional maturity means recognizing that you’re not trying to leave the relationship but that you’re trying to repair it, and learning how to stay long enough to figure things out can create a different kind of resilience within the relationship itself.
In this episode, my husband and I talk about the ways we’ve each changed since we first met, including the parts of ourselves that have become more visible, playful, soft, honest, and relaxed. We also talk about the ways we influence each other, the temptation to want our partners to change, and how becoming more honest about what you like, don’t like, want, and need can actually be part of becoming more emotionally mature.
The question underneath all of it is a good one to take into your own relationships: Who are you becoming because of the relationship you’re in? And what has changed in the person you love—not because you changed them, but because the two of you have created a relationship where your nervous systems can relax and you can feel safe enough to let the real you come out, without fear or rejection, abandonment or judgement.
Want to take what you’ve heard into your own life? Explore the After the Pause companion journals in the Listening Room—each one gives you space to pause, reflect, and go deeper with the ideas from the podcast.
In This Episode
How relationships can change us while still allowing us to become more fully ourselves
Why our nervous systems relax as we develop greater security and familiarity with a partner
How emotional safety can create space for hidden, quirky, funny, or vulnerable parts of us to emerge
Why connection and emotional availability can support growth and maturity within a relationship
How partners influence each other through what they read, learn, share, and experience together
What happens when you want your partner to change or “work on” something
Why being told to change can sometimes create resistance, even when the intention is loving
How rupture and repair can strengthen relationship resilience
Why the relationship itself needs care—not just the two individual people within it
What emotional maturity can look like when a relationship goes through a difficult season
How staying and repairing can sometimes be more transformative than simply walking away
The ways we can become more playful, expressive, and relaxed when we feel emotionally safe
Why becoming less accommodating or less of a people pleaser can actually allow more truth into a relationship
3 ways my husband sees that I’ve changed since we first met
3 ways I see that my husband has changed since we first met
How to notice the ways your own relationship has shaped who you are today
The Invitation
This week's pause is to go and find your favourite person in the whole world, and it doesn't matter if it's a romantic relationship. And think about 3 three things that has changed in them, from when you first met them.
What are the three qualities that you think are new and different about that person as a result of your relationship and the energies and efforts you both put together to create and keep your relationship alive.
Work With Muneeza
The relationships closest to us can reveal patterns we don’t always recognize while we’re inside them. If you’re noticing people pleasing, emotional reactivity, difficulty expressing your needs, or the same relationship patterns repeating, this is the kind of work we can explore together.
Through somatic coaching, we can look at what’s happening underneath your reactions, including the nervous system patterns that influence how you respond, protect yourself, connect, and navigate emotional relationships. If you’re ready to understand your patterns more deeply and create more choice in how you respond, you can work with me here.